I now pronounce you slave and owner
Tomorrow, I am going to be attending a collaring ceremony in Second Life. I have permission from in-world to cover the event for this blog, including taking photos of the lucky couple!
At any rate, I’ve never been to one of these, so I can’t say for sure exactly what it’s going to entail. Is there an exchanging of vows during the ceremony, or any other profession of commitment, for example? We’ll see. From what I can gather, it’s a proceeding during which the master/mistress formally takes ownership of the submissive partner. And in my initial opinion, it’s a romantic public expression and acknowledgement of the dom-sub dynamic in the relationship.
I am sometimes astonished at how many users engage in BDSM-oriented relationships in Second Life. But I guess the relative prevalence of these sorts of bonds is not so mind-boggling when you consider the sexual repression a lot of people in the physical world are subjected to, whether it be by law, by misguided personal choice, because of twisted religious convictions, or whatever.
I wonder what the numbers would be like if you were to compare the amount of people enjoying BDSM in Second Life with those who are participating in such pleasures in real life. I think it’s safe to say there would be a big imbalance in the numbers. And you probably already know which realm of human existence would boast the higher total.
People always talk about what lofty/altruistic goals virtual worlds could achieve: fostering world peace, serving as an educational tool, etc. I say that one of the greatest contributions virtual worlds could make is serving as a place for positive sexual experimentation — a sort of ‘sandbox’ for lust that can provide some encouragement for users to take with them into the real world, as well as help them become more acclimated and comfortable with regard to their darker desires.
In this sense, virtual worlds can help boost the numbers of people in the physical world who are fully comfortable exploring and expressing their more base erotic urges, such as consensually beating and mistreating their sexual partners. Hey, then maybe we’d even have world peace as a residual effect because more people would feel less inclined to be ill-tempered, thanks to their cathartic outlet.
So, yeah, the sub (bride?) tells me she has a beautiful dress picked out for tomorrow’s occasion. I wonder what her master has in mind in terms of his own appearance.
Related reading: To have, to love and to beat.
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Having known a few to have these “collarings”
It is a lot like a wedding.
Usually the Dom and Sub are already together for some time before the ceremony, to make sure they are really happy.
The vows are quite flexible, but there are a few standard versions, send me an IM if you like and I will give you a notecard script.
^-^
I share your vision for SL as a place for positive sexual experimentation. It is a message that needs to be taken into mainstream media before the media discover SL and announce the “moral threat” they invariably see in anything progressive.
In response to your question about why BDSM is so much more prevalent (so it seems) in SL than IRL: I’ve also felt it has something to do with the difference between pain and control. Over at Terra Nova, I had put up a post pointing out what seems to me like the important point that virtual BDSM lacks something that is important in a lot of RL BDSM play, namely pain. Granted, Kelly Rued got all in my face about it (Hi, Kelly, if you’re out there
- but I do think it’s a crucial difference. Of course, certain types of RL BDSM don’t include pain play…
I just wonder whether more people aren’t interested in BDSM online because it’s more about their power over others (or the loss of it) than their desire to inflict or receive pain - and that maybe that issue of control is more universally appealing. Also, that might have something to do with why Gor is so popular in SL. A virtual form of pain play is certainly present there, but so is an extreme form of control.
I just wonder whether more people aren’t interested in BDSM online because it’s more about their power over others (or the loss of it) than their desire to inflict or receive pain - and that maybe that issue of control is more universally appealing.
Hmm. Without thinking about it a whole lot, I’d have to initially say that I believe the submissives who participate in BDSM in Second Life have a genuine penchant for pain in real life, and this carries over into the virtual world. Therefore, I think that their real-life masochistic urges may be their chief motivator when seeking out S&M in SL, as opposed to looking for a situation whereby they can relinquish control and spare themselves the ‘physical’ suffering.
They may just be seeking to enjoy the pain in an abstract sense - comparable to the lack of tactility with simulated sex - perhaps to supplement whatever experiences they are engaging in via their physical lives. Also, it’s probably important to remember that subjecting oneself to pain also involves a good degree of surrendering control in and of itself.
As far as dominants, I think the same principle of what I just said applies. I mean, as someone who is naturally domme in real life, I view virtual BDSM as an abstract extension of real-life BDSM, not as a different beast altogether that solely involves power and control dynamics.
Sheesh, I hope that doesn’t sound too muddled!
Your point is a very interesting one, though, and I certainly wouldn’t dismiss it as having no truth. In fact, I think it may be the case in a good number of instances.
I’d have to say that, being in situations where someone has played with bdsm in fantasy, it does not always translate into reality. Fantasy is easy. R/l bdsm is not. It is far more complicated. There are r/l issues that need to be addressed that aren’t in simulated play. In simulation, everyone is beautiful and perfect and willing. Not so in r/l.
Having a partner who’s primary bdsm interests rested entirely in online roleplaying and porn, I can say that it has been a difficult transition for both of us when he decided to play “for real”. I still wonder if he is more drawn to the easy fantasy than the hard reality of it.
Online bdsm can be one aspect of bdsm play, but I hesitate to say that it is anywhere near the realm of the physical.
Yes, we can play at things that we dream of and are too frightened to play at in r/l and, in some ways, it makes the play more authentic (what’s really on our minds) but, in other ways, without the risk (and I’m talking about pychological, physical and emotional risk), for me, the play is lacking.
I’d have to say that, being in situations where someone has played with bdsm in fantasy, it does not always translate into reality. Fantasy is easy. R/l bdsm is not. It is far more complicated. There are r/l issues that need to be addressed that aren’t in simulated play. In simulation, everyone is beautiful and perfect and willing. Not so in r/l.
I generally agree, A. I think that’s a considerable part of the allure of virtual BDSM — and a lot of other things virtual, for that matter.
Online bdsm can be one aspect of bdsm play, but I hesitate to say that it is anywhere near the realm of the physical.
Hmmm. I don’t know that I agree with that totally. BDSM is relatively complex (in the context of how we experience it) and multi-faceted, and I wouldn’t make a sweeping statement like that. For instance, D/s in a simulated environment can be a pretty authentic experience, if you ask me. As for S&M, well, that’s somewhat of a different story.
Yes, we can play at things that we dream of and are too frightened to play at in r/l and, in some ways, it makes the play more authentic (what’s really on our minds) but, in other ways, without the risk (and I’m talking about pychological, physical and emotional risk), for me, the play is lacking.
Interesting. I am guessing your perspective might be much more common among people who have actually experienced BDSM in real life, versus those who have only tried the virtual version of it.