Because people generally like books with beginnings, middles, and ends?

Really tho, and I might just be naive about this: I thought an “onscreen” orgasm was meant to be a symbolic reflection of when someone has really orgasmed behind their keyboard, marking it as such: “Well, my avatar can keep looping in that thrusting anim, but I gotta sleep!” Or SOMETHING.

But, natch, I don’t see many avatars chomping on ham sandwiches when they are really hungry.

BTW, I gotta give props to qDot ‘cuz I just figured out through him I can InterCap your blog as “ApogeeVR”. For the longest time, I was thinking of it mentally as “ApoGeevr”.

Hey Torley.

Well, the thing is, I don’t think the on-screen orgasm is always sincere. I hazard to say that a lot of users feel obligated to simulate it, perhaps to avoid feelings of awkwardness, and like I said, to achieve closure.

For the longest time, I was thinking of it mentally as “ApoGeevr”.

Interesting! Never thought of it like that …

In my adventures in SL, we don’t usually bother with that part. A few people have, but mostly we just use text, and I found this to be much better.
Of course I have also found the varying skill levels to be pretty bad…. but that’s sex for you huh?

It’s a good question, theoretically speaking, but I’m with Torley: even in cyber space we’re defined by our real-life needs, like physical closure. I’ve found also that when someone doesn’t obey the beginning/middle/end model(a sort of narrative approach to cybering) things start to seem almost meaningless.

For example, I was playing with someone who would use Xcite! to cause climaxes every few minutes; even when we weren’t cybering through chat — just texting about platonic things — he insisted we stay on the pose ball, fucking away. It just became absurd…

Hi Bonnie.

I still believe many users simulate orgasm because of the severe pressure of expectation, meaning they may be afraid to deviate from the pattern of sex in the physical world. But like I said, when it’s sincere, it’s a different story.

I believe you are correct to a degree when you say “when someone doesn’t obey the beginning/middle/end model (a sort of narrative approach to cybering) things start to seem almost meaningless.” But what can that perceived meaninglessness be traced to? I believe in the case of the insincere orgasm in cyberspace, it might be traced (at least in part) to that sort of empty feeling some people may get when they don’t abide by established norms.

Anyway, as I am sure you are aware, things seemed meaningless between you and your cyberpartner because there was no sexual passion. You two were just chatting. Which brings me to my initial point: if there’s no genuine passion behind it, why do it?

I know that may seem a little mumbo-jumboish, but I have a good feeling I am onto something, although I can’t quite verbalize it as well as I would like. I guess it requires further thinking by yours truly in order to break it down more eloquently into philosophical terms.

Quality thinking. Surely the point of a virtual world is for us to stop mimicking RL?!

Let’s explore the virtual orgasm …

Here’s a couple of thoughts to start.

One person could be the designated terminator. At a time of their choosing they log out of SL. No warnings, just log out. The partner will know this is coming so there will be some sense of suspense about the timing.

The other idea is to have an orgasm command (I’m liking the sound of that already) which you can issue only once. Oh alright, twice. The other person will not know when you activate it but if you both decide on orgasm within a specified time frame, both your avatars blow up and your avatar walks stooped over for a week.

Well okay, they’re only first thoughts…

Surely the point of a virtual world is for us to stop mimicking RL?!

I don’t totally agree with that. I think there are in fact times when mimicking real life in a virtual setting can be rewarding and beneficial.

At a time of their choosing they log out of SL.

I think it’s interesting that when the orgasm is no longer an option, like we are supposing in this instance, how it might be the prevailing tendency to sort of flee the scene in the blink of an eye instead of handling the situation in some other fashion - perhaps in a way that is more rational and/or mature and would require maintaining ‘face-to face’ interaction.

Yeah, there may be some awkwardness to overcome or deal with. And it just dawned on me that a part of that awkwardness may be caused by the nature of the existing in-world sex interface - more specifically, the sex animations themselves.

When avatars are fucking, for example, it’s usually at full-tilt in whatever position is being executed at the moment, and there is no way of extricating oneself from those positions other than to just do it abruptly, many times leaving one’s partner still engaged in the animation. In other words, there seems to be no way of gracefully (or tactfully) ending a sexual encounter, as far as motion and visual display are concerned, anyway.

Perhaps a still frame followed by a slow fade out?

In virtual space there is no intimacy, save for that created in conversation. “I love you” would be a nice way to complete. You are in a fantasy space, why not? It’s only our concern that this might carry some weight in RL that makes it a taboo. And an old-fashioned notion that casual sex is not to be taken as seriously as LOVE.

If people are mature enough to keep it virtual, why not enjoy virtual love as well as virtual sex? Everyone can use a little extra love

This seems like a strange question to even be asking. Orgasm is, in real life, one of the most pleasurable parts of sex. If you’re simulating sex for the purpose of (presumably) enjoying the fantasy of it, why wouldn’t you fantasize about (and act out) that part along with all the other aspects of sex? You might as well ask “When we simulate sex online, why do we have penetration and thrusting like real life sex instead of doing something different” or “Why do we use penises and vaginas at all?” Granted, people could decide that online sex is performed by putting on tutus and waving cucumbers around while jumping on a trampoline, instead of that “old fashioned” sexual intercourse. But I don’t think people would enjoy that fantasy as much.

People are fantasizing about what they would like to do, whether they’re stimulating themselves with their other hand at the time or not. Most people would rather climax during sex than not, so the fantasies they choose to act out include climaxing. Males in particular like to see a graphic depiction of this (see for evidence any porn film made from the 1970s onward). So seeing that show up in online sex as well is hardly surprising.

Good point to bring up, Dr. Cat. In fact, before I made the post, I partially adopted that perspective as well until I gave the matter some more careful thought.

Basically, I don’t think all of the little acts that make up the expression of sex before climax are nearly as interchangeable with actual orgasm as you make them out to be. I believe that most users can get aroused while participating in cybersex (pre-orgasm), so I think one can expect a genuine experience in that regard while simulating it in a virtual world. Therefore, it makes a lot more sense to virtually engage in the events that lead up to orgasm.

But the orgasm itself? If you stop to qualify what it actually means, and then ask yourself how often it may be truly experienced from behind the keyboard, comparatively speaking, it just seems kind of silly that so much importance is attached to it, given the likelihood that most people probably aren’t genuinely experiencing it off-screen. The simulated orgasm then becomes pointless in many cases.

Biscuit: The fade is an interesting idea! So is the notion of saying “I love you.” More to come after I give it some more thought…

“I believe in the case of the insincere orgasm in cyberspace, it might be traced (at least in part) to that sort of empty feeling some people may get when they don’t abide by established norms.”

I suppose it’s a question of what came first, the norm or the physical explanation for it? Normally, I’m no fan of explaining our socially accepted patterns through biology - don’t get me wrong. And I think you’re right to at least bring to light the idea of orgasm as societal expectation. But an orgasm is a physical thing, not something learned - as is the pattern of rise to climax, climax, and short after effects. I would argue that that physical condition might be what formed our social expectations: the idea, for example, of the narrative arc, of beginning/middle/end. When something is so much a physical part of us, it can’t help but shape our culture.

I am curious though about other cultures/traditions that deviate from the narrative arc of climax. Tantric sex, for example, uses a different pattern. Know of any others?