You may collar the submissive

Collaring5Sex is spicy when a pronounced dominance-submission dynamic exists between lovers, but it seems that Emily Darrow of Second Life longed for a more well-rounded arrangement in her virtual adult life. Turns out she found it.

“I was hoping to see some equal time for the relationship part of it. Not all sex,” Emily said in an IM to me on Sunday, after she formally offered herself to her new virtual master Kasmodian Nephilim during a collaring ceremony that took place in the public square of a large BDSM sim inside SL’s virtual world.

I caught a few glimpses of the proceedings, but I missed most of them, and not by choice. The lag was thick due to high user density (the event was pretty well-attended), causing me to crash about a zillion times. Luckily, a friend inside the world (thanks, KC!) managed to get me a transcript, which was oozing with heartfelt sentiments that Kasmodian and Emily expressed to one another via text in front of a dozen or so of their friends and acquaintances.

“I find myself wanting to care for you in a way that I never knew possible and therefore I have decided to offer you myself as a gift,” Emily told Kasmodian at the ceremony.

“I accept your submission to me in front of the witnesses that have gathered here today,” Kasmodian said, “and let it be known on this day that I have accepted you as mine, that I will honor the gift you have given to me and fulfill all your needs. In front of the witnesses that have gathered here today, I place my collar around your neck as a binding symbol of unity between a master and his submissive, a collar that no other shall own nor command, a collar that will signify the fact that I will protect, honor, respect and cherish you for the days to come. With this collar I do bind you to me in submission, and let it be known that I am Kasmodian Nephilim, Master to Emily Darrow.”


SL resident Marc Walcott said the way the collaring was conducted reflected the values he is trying to cultivate at the Black Rose Inn & Dungeons sim, where the ceremony took place. Marc co-owns Black Rose with his SL wife Ivy Thatch.

“… Here at Black Rose we are actually aiming to promote a true D/s style, whereas with the sexual element of D/s we are also bringing in the social, friendship, caring and loving aspect which is lacking in SL D/s and BDSM,” he explained.

The philosophy seemed to be embodied in the comments that Emily and Kasmodian exchanged.

“Will you submit to me, Little one, knowing that I will be loving but firm and that I will expect your love and obedience in return?” Kasmodian said.

“To submit is to exchange weakness for strength, intelligence for foolishness and bravery for fear,“ Emily said. “Submission is the ultimate in trust and from that trust the ultimate in love.”

The couple’s relationship is three-plus weeks old, and they refrained from 3-D cybersex until after the ceremony, Emily explained to me in an IM. “… Even though sex is important it’s not always the reason for a D/s relationship,” Emily wrote.

Collaring Reception


Photo Credits
Collaring photos: (second and fourth images) Second Life resident Marc Walcott
Reception photos (first and third images): Noche Kandora


  1. Comment by Ænigma on May 24, 2006 9:57 am

    Ahhh, romance…*sigh* ;) .


  2. Comment by Bonnie on May 28, 2006 12:45 pm

    It does make me wonder: Do people in virtual life hate hearing love talk just as much as they do in real life? I’m engaged IRL, but my fiance and I try hard not to be too sweet in front of other people, since it seems to just make things *weird.* But in SL, it seems a whole crowd turned up for these cool but sappy (in a D/s sort of way) vows. Any thoughts?

  3. Comment by Noche on May 29, 2006 2:37 pm

    I think perhaps people have a greater tolerance for mushy talk (in both virtual and real space) during special occasions. For instance, people who are invited to a wedding in real life are subjected to the sort of sappiness that you referred to for hours on end. And they generally don’t cringe. They raise their glasses in celebratory fashion, even if somewhat reluctantly.

    I think this also may be the case with instances like collaring ceremonies in Second Life. The people who were attending, for the most part, had some sort of a connection with the couple, and they set aside that time to be happy for them — and put up with all the sappiness! But outside the context of such an occasion, I think such words may have spurred a different reaction. :)

    Then again, users in Second Life by and large have an all around higher tolerance for all sorts of behavior that might be considered idiosyncratic, eccentric or otherwise over-the-top.

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